When Does Ageism Begin? A Life in Work Stages

Someone recently asked me when ageism begins. I said it depends profoundly on what gender you are. This has been my experience so far:

Teens – Sink or Swim

I had to work from the time I was 14. No skills, qualifications, experience or - let's face it -aptitude for the kind of jobs I was able to apply for (waitressing in very cheap cafés, receptionist for shady one-man entrepreneurs in dingy offices, cashier at the sandwich place, commission telephone sales, etc.).

Although I had to earn my food, rent, and expenses in a way that still let me attend school, I wasn't "worth" training - I had to sink or swim.

Boys this age could earn "real money" working at the tire shop/ gas station or earn money with landscaping and construction.

This story isn’t unusual. In North America, nearly one in three teens works part-time while attending school, often in low-wage roles that provide little formal training. Research from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics shows that only 17% of teenage jobs include structured mentorship or skill development. In other words, most young people are expected to simply “figure it out,” with boys sometimes pushed toward “learning” jobs in construction or trades while girls more often serve in precarious service roles.

Celebrity examples echo this. Oprah Winfrey, for instance, started working at 14 in a grocery store, and often remarked how those early jobs gave her grit but very little real guidance. Like many of us, she had to learn resilience through necessity, not because anyone invested in her.

20s – I Got Your Number

When I was a keenly ambitious young woman in my 20s … I was perceived as being still too young (young men at the same age are “mentored”) and I kept being surprised when what I thought were attentive conversations were actually attempts to “get my number.”

This “mentorship gap” between young men and women is stark. A recent Harvard Business Review study found that 64% of senior men are reluctant to mentor younger women for fear of being misinterpreted, while they readily mentor younger men. The result? Women lose out on career-advancing sponsorship opportunities precisely when they are most eager to prove themselves.

Hollywood reflects this dynamic too. Actresses in their 20s often report that professional “interest” masks personal agendas. Jennifer Lawrence has spoken about how, early in her career, she struggled to be taken seriously as a professional rather than treated as a young woman to be charmed.

30s – The Threat of Biology 

When I was in my 30s … I was perceived as neglecting my maternal role or was too maternal, or in danger of becoming maternal, so best in either lower paid or contract roles. Men this age can afford spouses, families, holidays, great cars, and first Rolexes.

The data backs this up. Economists call it the “motherhood penalty”: women’s earnings drop by an average of 30% after having a child, while men experience the “fatherhood bonus,” with wages rising about 6% after becoming fathers. Employers may perceive men as more stable and responsible, while women are unfairly judged as distracted or unreliable.

One famous example is Serena Williams. At the height of her career, she spoke openly about sponsors and commentators questioning her commitment after becoming a mother - despite her continuing to dominate the sport. Professional women in other industries face the same whispered assumptions.

40s – The Missing Clout

When I was in my 40s … I didn't have the same clout that I “should” have had compared to male colleagues (who often had support at home so they could focus on earning and networking).  Yet, miraculously, I was also "overqualified"!

Workplace studies show that women in their 40s are often described as “reliable” but rarely as “visionary.” A McKinsey & LeanIn report revealed that men are 2.5 times more likely than women to be promoted to senior management roles by this stage, partly because of the networking deficit - free evenings and weekends often belong to family, not golf courses or cocktail hours.

Sheryl Sandberg herself once admitted that she underestimated just how much unpaid domestic labor can hold women back in mid-career, even when they are as qualified - or more qualified - than their male peers.

50s – Seasoned Like A Steak

In my 50s, a profound shift happened, where men in their 30s were earning twice what I was, and were given more authority. My voice was beginning to be unheard in ways I’d never experienced before.

This is one of the sharpest points where ageism kicks in. Research from AARP shows that nearly two-thirds of workers over 50 report experiencing or witnessing age discrimination, and women over 50 experience the double bind of both sexism and ageism. At the same time, a PayScale report found that men’s salaries continue climbing into their late 50s, while women’s earnings plateau around age 40.

Consider the case of TV journalist Christiane Amanpour. Despite decades of award-winning reporting, she has spoken about being sidelined in favor of younger, often male anchors. This isn’t about skill - it’s about the perception of authority being tied to age for men and youth for women.

60s – Shifting Priorities

In my 60s, I’ve stopped caring and simply try to mentor women and men of all ages to be the best version of themselves with the awareness that everyone’s story is different and help bring to light their own biases, so they can do better with others who are unlike them in a variety of ways.

This is the quiet strength many older professionals bring: the ability to step back, mentor, and challenge biases in constructive ways. It’s not resignation - it’s redefinition. Some of the most impactful leaders emerge in their 60s and beyond. Take Vera Wang, who didn’t even enter fashion design until age 40 and built a global empire by her 60s. Or Maya Angelou, who became an icon of wisdom and mentorship later in life, not despite her age, but because of it.

Coaching, Work, and the Post-COVID Reset

Lots of people think they can “coach” when all they’re doing is offering solutions that worked for them, in that context, at that time.

Right now, every age, stage, and gender is facing challenges unique to our times. Some of my highly qualified young clients can't get work because they have no real-world experience. Other clients can't get past hiring barriers and ageism barricades. Women can't easily return to work after a parenting break and many men are donkeys earning paychecks.

The pandemic added new complexity but also new possibilities. To me, one of the many great things COVID did (let's just not go there with the horrible side of things) - but one of the positive outcomes was that it showed everyone that there ARE other ways of working and relating that can be, ironically, through technology, more human.

In fact, Gallup reports that 65% of employees prefer hybrid or remote work today, partly because it levels certain inequalities: people with caregiving duties, people managing disabilities, and even those older workers who were once excluded from fast-paced corporate life now have ways to contribute differently.

Final Thought

So, when does ageism begin? The truth is, it begins differently depending on gender, race, class, and context. For some, it’s being “too young” to be taken seriously. For others, it’s being “too maternal,” “too middle-aged,” or “too old” to matter.

But each stage also offers something of value: resilience in our teens, ambition in our 20s, depth in our 30s, perspective in our 40s, authority in our 50s, and mentorship in our 60s. The task for workplaces is to stop filtering out talent based on assumptions - and start building cultures where every stage of life, and every person, truly counts.

About the Author

Anna is an organizational psychologist and executive coach, with a special interest in all things technology. We’re part of the team at Garleff Coaching and Consulting Group. If this article has struck a chord, please let us know.
Anna Garleff Cell: +1 587 224 3793 / anna@garleffcoaching.com
www.garleffcoaching.com